Getting a job nowadays is harder than it’s ever been, so all the more reason that you Curriculum Vitae should be straight to the point and give the reader a want to interview you.
However, having been at the Employers end of the matter for quite a few years, here are a few things about a CV which can make the difference between a successful and un-successful interview…..

Name: Joe Bloggs
True

Date of Birth: 8th.March 1975
Probably True, but has very tight skin around the jaw.

Place of Birth: Hove
Probably Brighton

Personal Statement: Exceptional communictional skillsl with high level of management experience and keeping within budgets
I have a good laugh down the pub, was a Scout Leader once and I look after the tea money at the Office. Got a Credit Card.

Confident and effective communicator
I look in the mirror and text my friends quite a lot

Strong interpersonal skills and initiative
I style my hair fortnightly and set the alarm every day.

Good Team Player
Pool on Tuesdays, football Saurdays

Able to work under pressure
When I’m going out that evening

Able to problem solve and make decisions
I do The Sun crossword each morning and book holidays

Fully conversant in IT
I’m top of the league in FIFA 2005

Interests; Travel
I’m a Trainspotter

Reading
Has the art of text talk completely mastered

Food and Wine
I’m 22stone and enjoy a swift ten pints

Education
I atended school occasionally but it was so rare, I often went into the wrong one.

Educated to ‘A’ level standard
Got expelled two weeks before Exams

Attended Durham University
All night Party there in 1997.

Don’t forget that any gaps in employment should be written as either ‘travelling’ or ‘studying at Foreign University’.
It’s also quite a good idea to omit the fact you’ve been married and divorced three times the last 7 years, you’re currently banned from driving through numorous speeding penalties, you have an allegy to teak veneer furniture and your last monthly mobile phone bill came to £497.

From one resume ….
“While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility.”