..and why never to go again

Oh joy, another trip to the Supermarket today, full of the usual calamities, annoyances with a bit of a laugh thrown in between.

It all started well until I came to the M20 Roundabout. I was correctly positioned in the third from left Lane for where I wanted to go. The lights went green and the chap on my right had obviously thought it a great idea to skip from his Lane to the far left Lane for the M20 itself.
Luckily those cars to the left and myself were on the button and stopped just in time to let the fellow accross to the tune of various manufacturer’s car horns!

I parked in a fairly quiet spot within the Car Park, away from the maddening crowd and sheltered from the Sun.
After sifting through the Trolley’s to find the one which wasn’t going to take me down Aisle 4 rather than Aisle 3, I steered gracefully in and out of the Halloween Shelving which had been put there for all the kids coming in the Store and blocking the gangways for proper shoppers like most others and myself.
“No, you can’t have that” is the usual form of discussion along this part.

Off to the Cat Foods to find the one they do like on the odd occasion isn’t on Special Offer, so you weigh up the pro’s and con’s of buying another Brand and if the wastage is cost effective or not; on to the Denture Adhesive section where you get your piece of paper out and say aloud “Now, which one does Dad have, oh, must be this one”, making as sure as you can be not to whistle as you’re saying it and get sussed out.

Then you’re getting cold and once again remember what you say before every Shop, ‘take a Fleece’.

It’s about this time you think you should buy something a bit healthy looking; Cat Food, Denture Adhesive, Chocolate Digestives and Coffee don’t really tell the picture of you do they?! Anything will do, so you buy a small bag of potatoes (the posh one’s) and some Sprouts – things are looking better.

You’re also wondering by now as to why it is that 3 other people want to stand for 10 minutes staring at the things you want to look at and no matter what hints you make, they don’t move. I believe an electric shock in the floor set to 20 seconds of someone standing still would do the trick.

To the Tills! Oh, we all do it, arrive at the long Mall by the Tills and carefully calculate which queue is going to be the quickest. You see one with only three people to it, walk at a brisk pace only to find one of them appears to have a family of 15 at home and stocking up for 6 weeks.
Back you go and always come to the conclusion ‘why did I do that, by the time I’ve found one’, the long queue would have finished by then.

The queue itself can sometimes be quite interesting, especially seeing what everyone else is buying, but you get annoyed when you find the person in front of you has sent their other half off to buy the remaining four items and it’s 5 to 4 on they’re not going to get them before they come to the supposed end of the transaction. However, hearing about the Lady who lives 4 doors down’s Hospital Visit is quite informative plus the person who’s picked up the only un-marked item in the place and you have to wait for someone to get the price answering 12 other queries on the way.

It’s either that, or it’s the person who’s paying cash and will spend five minutes searching either for the exact money, or change to make it easier for the Cashier.

Have to say though, the service is extremely good. I have six items and they ask me if I need assistance with the packing. I’m always tempted to say yes and can they take it to the car for me.

Back to the car. This is when you’re expecting to find someone has parked next to you and some spoilt little Brat has swung the door open of their car and there’s a nice little dent in your door.
Today that didn’t happen, just someone who’d simply seen the space next to mine, swung accross and stopped making my reverse to the left more difficult.
That was enough. I had a Marker Pen in the car and wrote a note, sticking it to their Windscreen Wiper saying “My 7 year old Grand daughter could make a better job of parking than you”
Fearing the owner of the said car returned and happened to be a seven feet tall All-In Wrestler, I left rapidly.

Oh joy, I got home and it was time to relax, that is after I cleaned the Cat’s stomach deposit from the second and third stair’s. At least I saw it before walking on it I guess.

Oh well, soldier on.

(Disclaimer to Retailer – If you can tell which Supermarket it is – please don’t be upset, it’s not your fault!!)