Daytime TV gives many people much joy and looking at most of them, you can see the reasons why.
They are fairly factual, appear to feature mainly ‘normal’ types and can show you what can be done – if you have the time, but more importantly, the money!

Homes Under the Hammer shows how someone can purchase a house at a Property Auction, then do them up either to sell, rent or live in.
The purpose of the programme of course is to see how much profit can be made from Property investment in the shortest possible time with the lowest Budget.

The programme slots quite easily into regular TV daytime viewing; you know more or less what’s coming and the great British TV Viewer loves, even adores, seeing other people slip up or shout at the TV that they should be doing it another way when they know absolutely nothing about it themselves – well I do anyway!

So we see the House for sale, watch the Auction, interview the Buyer, watch him or her set about their plans, then re-visit after a couple of month’s to see the progress and the new valuation of the property.

Great, but there’s one thing which really gets up my nose about this programme – the musical background. I thought we’d seen the last of repetative tunes being played for ‘associated scenes’ when Alan Titchmarsh’s ‘Ground Force’ came to an end. I used to like Brass Band music until it seemed they were sitting behind every bush and playing behind every garden fence on the programme. I digress!

I’m sure the Musical Director and Editor of ‘Homes under the Hammer’ is influenced by Ennio Morricone who majestically composed short pieces of music for each character in the Spaghetti Westerns.
If so, it hasn’t worked! We listen to the same gradual build up of music as the Property Auctioneer gets closer and closer to the winning bid and after a few other little snippits of something, we come to my favourite ‘worse bit’….

This is when the two Estate Agents walk around the corner at the end of the road holding their Briefcases or Clipboards, stroll around the house stroking ceramic tiles (a new one on me), looking under the Sink Unit Cupboard and at the Sky when out in the garden (sun out probably reflects the price).
Besides the fact that most Estate Agents wear the same dark suits, have gelled up hair and a Volkswagon parked out of sight, I haven’t got anything against them. It’s just the music they composed for them – more suitable for ‘A Famous Five’ or ‘Neighbours’ episode than a Property Auction programme.

But I guess the same musical flaws apply to most Daytime TV programmes; ‘Cash in the Attic’ where music appropriates the people selling off their family hand-me-downs beacause they’re ‘downsizing’ (buying a new car) and as for ‘Bargain Hunt’ that’s usually back-grounded with Banjos or Ukelleles guaranteed to send you foxtrotting your way up to the Greenhouse.

If these programmes are so popular, including the music, maybe they could do it with the News, that nees a bit of spicing up now and again; some old Buster Keaton or Laural and Hardy tunes wouldn’t go amiss to Parliamentary Debate. I think they should look into that.

Now, fair’s fair, there may be some who think “Bet he couldn’t do any better”. Well, true, I couldn’t, although I have recorded some of my own guitar compostions to back up my video’s, ‘Ginger the Cat falls in Pond’ and ‘Visiting rich Aunt in Hospital who sprained her ankle falling over Wallet’.

And – where have all those original compositions for TV Adverts gone? How could you forget those masterful tunes such as “You’ll wonder where the yellow went when you brush your teeth with Pepsadent” or “The Esso sign means happy motoring”?
Now all we get are fairly poor copies of old 1960’s hits which I used to buy as a teenager (that’s if I could find my way up to the Shops).