Now you may on first sight think this as being a bit of a micky take. But it isn’t, I wear dentures now and have done since last December, so what this is about is realising what I’ve done and observed others doing the same.

So if you denture wearers don’t want to send out any giveaway signals, here’s what I’ve noticed…..

1. The forefinger wipe around the bottom gums. This is where the food can’t be got rid of in the normal fashion of using the tongue – because it won’t reach.

2. The wife who shouts down the Garden “Suppers ready Darling, have you got your Teeth in?”

3. The Dinner Guest who continually bends down under the table on the pretence that he’s dropped something. This is to take them out because a bit of Pepper Corns got underneath.

4. The Dinner Guest with tears rolling down his face asking to be excused. This again is the Pepper Corn stuck underneath.

5. The bloke with a gaunt looking face searching for something on a Shingle Beach, usually just after sneezing.

6. The tell tale pink stained Glass on the Bathroom Window Sill.

7. The bloke who seems to making very strange facial shapes as he rushes to catch the Bus to work. He’s put his wife’s in by mistake.

8. The teeth which move at the same time as the lips. They’re old and don’t fit anymore.

9. The very hungry person at a Luncheon who, when offered either a Lean Juicy Steak or a bowl of cold Cucumber Soup, takes the Soup.

10. The somewhat vainly dressed man who hangs around the Dental Counter of the Supermarket waiting for no-one to be present. This kind of person usually wears a wig as well.

So, those are my top ten tips for you to bear in mind when venturing into the unknown. Doing any of the above may not always identify it to the unknown eye, but if you see ‘the secret sign of the Denture Wearers’ (a motionless whistle followed by a short chatter), you know you have been spotted.

Personally I don’t care and am seriously considering wearing a T-Shirt with ‘At least my teeth aren’t rotten’. One thought though, I wonder if they re-cycle them like they do Spectacles?

Disclaimer! – I wish it hadn’t come to this, you can read the more informative help in the Health and Welbeing Page.. Wearing dentures for the first time

3 Comments on “Identifying Denture Wearers”

By Moira. September 21st, 2008 at 3:04 am

As funny and perceptive as ever, Richard. Thank you for the advice!

By Al. March 11th, 2011 at 9:51 pm

I find a stragically placed bowl of peanuts at a family gathering often reveals the haves from the have nots.

By John . April 1st, 2011 at 8:03 pm

I’ve had some for about two years, and whilst in Morrisons recently, I forgot them, and took a little piece of cheese, offered at the “Deli” counter.
Never again! What a mess – straight to the Gents to sort it out!

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